I wish to start by providing my heartiest congratulations to India’s stray canines. In a rustic the place it’s uncommon for a minority to get the higher of the bulk in any matter, not to mention a authorized one, their success in reversing an adversarial order in a matter of days solely underscores the greatness of our democracy, the vitality of our establishments, and the pinpoint accuracy of our ethical compass.

If a tiny neighborhood of stray canines — numbering barely 6.2 crore in a rustic of 146 crore folks — can safe a landmark judgment in favour of their rights, it means there may be nonetheless hope left for human rights. Possibly not tomorrow however some day biped residents of bulldozed houses can even get justice, or one thing like that however much less anti-national.

Within the meantime, nevertheless, there are miles to go earlier than we sleep, and people miles are teeming with stray canines. In response to well-liked demand, I’m sharing some tricks to defend your self from harmful however innocent strays.

This column is a satirical tackle life and society.

1. Respect their territory

Not like some species of people which are pleasant even with those that usurp 4,000 sq.km. of their territory, canines are extremely territorial beings. So, the primary rule to not getting bitten is to respect their territorial instincts. There’s a motive why they’re known as ‘road canines’ — it’s as a result of they personal the streets. Stray canines have a slightly fastened concept of their patrolling factors and react aggressively in direction of stray people violating their territorial sovereignty.

2. Watch out for the mob

Like many Indians, if you happen to even have some familiarity with communal violence, you’d know that the identical human can behave very in a different way relying on whether or not they’re in a mob or in Café Lota. Canine are the identical. A mob of canines is known as a ‘pack’. The cutie you smiled at within the elevator the opposite day may chunk your head off when it’s amongst a hostile pack that has you cornered within the car parking zone.

3. Test your physique language

You’ll have learn the bestselling ebook by Allan and Barbara Pease known as The Definitive E-book of Physique Language. However most canines haven’t. So, they’re not superb at studying your physique language. Be sure that to not undertake any ambiguous posture that an uneducated stray may mistakenly construe as a menace. As an illustration, don’t frown, or make eye contact, or growl. When you don’t have arthritic points, drop to the bottom and lie in your again with all of your limbs pointing to the sky. Then anticipate the canine to smell your anterior and posterior — it’s their model of utilizing a metallic detector to substantiate you’re not a canine terrorist. As soon as they’re glad, they may lick you. Which means you might be free to go.

4. Don’t run

Being free to go doesn’t imply you possibly can run. Operating triggers a canine’s chasing instincts. It doesn’t matter if you’re an Olympic gold-medallist in working. Even if you happen to see a stray frothing on the mouth and dashing at you with fangs bared, it’s probably a sweetie pretending to be a psycho simply to prank you. Simply preserve a relaxed posture, with palms at your sides, and a candy, smiling expression just like the one in your favorite chief’s face on the petrol pump. There’s an honest likelihood it received’t chunk you.

5. As soon as bitten…

Opposite to what folks say, don’t be twice shy. The very first thing to recollect if you’re bitten is that it’s not the stray canine’s fault — you will need to have completed one thing to impress them, both deliberately or inadvertently. If not you, then another member of your species will need to have completed one thing horrible to the canine in query, inflicting it PTSD, which then brought on it to assault random people such as you. Secondly, even if you happen to’re in ache, don’t scream as a result of canines don’t like folks yelling at them. By the way, I personally don’t like anybody yelling (or barking) at me — even when I occur to chunk them first. So allow us to prolong the identical courtesy to our canine brethren.

6. Don’t go for a post-dinner stroll

After 9 p.m. is when the canines actually reclaim the streets — so respect their privateness. When you’re actually within the temper for some postprandial pleasure, the safer possibility could be to remain at residence and struggle together with your partner.

7. Safety from canine rights activists

Sorry, at the moment there aren’t any options that may defend people from canine rights activists.

The creator of this satire, is Social Affairs Editor, The Hindu.

sampath.g@thehindu.co.in